Double Century Double Bog

As this is my blog number 200, I thought I would combine two into one.  A sort of BOGOF buy one get one free. and to be honest that's what life can do at the moment , it too can bogof.

Your probably sensing I have had a bad week.  My old mate Frank Gumbledon looks forward to reading my blog on a Sunday night as if he feels if hes down , he is absolutely sure I would have had it worse.  Well Frank sink your peepers into this blog and be sure your sat on a towel because you could well leak you will laugh so much.

The week first if I tell you I am a health and safety officer, you will understand that I am universally hated; and some people look at me as if I am something they have stood in. So what every one has it bad, but trust me when I say I have worked my nuts of this week and got nowhere if anything its gone backwards.

Loud bang on Kate my Volvo as the shock absorber spring exploded. Kiss good bye to £168.00.  Next day double puncture on the front of the flyer, trying to jack the van on soft ground not good. Resulting in further expense.....  my trustee laptop (even as I type) is insistent it wants to go to the laptop graveyard.  My little camera I take fishing is dropped and is broken..  The list goes on but culminates in Friday night catching my private parts in my trouser zip.  To top it all the wife is mad, even though I took last weekend off  - the next two are fishing sat and Sunday.

So to match one an open on Milk house. different pegs to the previous one 10 days ago in which I came fourth behind some local legends.  This time around I was better prepared and drew peg 2.  Approached the match totally different and in a much more positive way.  The 2 and 3 quarter hour match was underway before I knew it and Alan Brown on peg 1 was quickly into fish.  Cloudier weather meant the gloom settled in quickly and I found it a little difficult to see the bristle float.

 Marc Kay on the next peg tried to talk me into going a quid, but after an expensive week and the luck I have had I declined.  Brian the shuttle bus Shutler was next along and struggling.  Frankly I didn't believe him as like a shuttle bus, Brian is sure to have another fish along in a minute.  Also like a bus, his fish do seem to come along in threes.

The evening whizzed by and before we knew it it was the all out. I knew Alan on the end peg on my right had done me but how about the others.  Well it seemed that lots were not going to weigh in as they all had a round 12 oz to a pound.  I thought I would weigh in as I had caught a few.

Gary the fish Etheridge had won by a mile as he found himself on bagful of hybrids, and with most other quality anglers DNW was I in the money?  The answer was no Kev the bread Chubb on the other end peg had done well again.  So for the second open match in a row I was 4th . Sod it.  Never mind don't sink any lower into depression.

A new day Dawns

So to Sunday.  It didn't seem as I had been asleep for 30 seconds when I was rudely awaken by British forces radio alarm.  Blearily eyed I stumbled down the stairs and with a pile of clothes under my arm. Into the kitchen where my bare foot was greeted by dog diarrhoea squeezing through my toes.

Wonderful, holding down the vomit I hobbled to the bathroom to shower my foot off.  My excitable but old dogs thought it was all great fun as they leapt around my ankles .  I grabbed them both by the scruff and deposited them outside whilst I cleaned up.  This put me a little behind but I got under way and was glad to get a space at the lake.

Would I draw up the CARP END, would I draw the golden peg  no to both.  Peg 8 was the GP and I drew 9 again!!!!!!! How many times have I drawn 9.  So many times I think I will get my mail redirected. Set up quickly and efficiently and was keen to get going.

The match plodded on and I didn't get a great deal. Mark Russ to my left was going ok and the GP looked under threat.  Simon too, to his left was doing well and the Shuttle Bus had lost two Carp in the first 30 minutes.

I was starting to drift into a black dog mood because I was still not getting any decent fish. The small stuff was coming and I had had four little yearling Carp which probably weighed a pound together. So hanging in there but my unlucky week continued.

The float dipped and I lifted but he elastic kept going , deep and strong. I gently guided the fish to the right of the Lillie's in front of me as I gently assuredly fed my pole behind me. In a flash the fish darted left and into the thicket of the Lillie's and no matter what I tried it wasn't coming out. Big fish 1 Gary nil.

What to do?

 Nothing was happening and banging tiny silvers was not cutting it.  So out came the sweetcorn and the method feeder. An arm wrenching wanger of bite saw me connected to the lakes only sub surface locomotive. Ten minutes later after the fish had visited the four points of the compass; been through swims both side of me under my keep nets under my platform, I slipped the net under it.  Bugger its to big.  Little bit of jiggory pokery saw me get two thirds of it in.  It was going to be squeaky bum time, but I had one chance to get this up and into my lap in one quick swoop.

I had one, a big fish and the joy was without measure.  I looked down on a fish that was going win me the match but also a cert new lake record mirror Carp. Somewhere between 18 and 20 lb. At last good luck.

Simon was starting to catch Carp and had three quick Carp in a row; and Mark was continuing to catch as was Chris Rushton a few to my right. Dependent on Simon's carp size I knew I had this in the bag.  At last!!!

I had the 4 little Carp and about 2.5 lb of silvers. So must be close to a twenty pound winning weight. So I decided with 20 minutes to go to flick out the method feeder and packed away my other kit.  Preparing the ground for a Carptastic photo and a bit of glory.

 2 minutes to go and the keep net bulged as the big fella was keen to get out and be photographed.

 Then the inexplicable happened the Carp leaped clear of the net and crashed down on the top ring just by where the quick release connector affixed the net to the tackle box.  The connector pinged and the net with Carp still in it dropped into the lake!!!!!!!!!!

Noooooooooooooooo

I was off my box in a flash ( so much so I stood on two top kits and crushed them) scrabbling frantically to grab the net before it sunk out of sight. I managed to get a finger tip grip on the second ring and slowly pulled up.

I have never lost my wallet but I would imagine its a similar feeling as you look into the net and all 5 carp had gone.

That was it.............. I flung the keep net up the bank along with the two broken kits and the worst case of foul mouthed touretts the world has ever witnessed spilt venomously from my mouth.
I was even angry that there wasn't more filthy foul mouthed expletives I could use.

Hell has no fury they say, but in that moment I would have frightened the devil himself.  Seconds later the all out was called and I was inconsolable.

My mood was thunder itself and everybody was giving me a very, very wide berth.  I packed away in black silence finding it hard to control my fury. To be honest I must be close to breaking because I just wanted to dive in the lake and not come up.

I know there are millions in the world who are suffering immeasurable pain and suffering and my worries cannot compare - but right now I would love to now where and when I have pissed God off?

Probably due to me and my temper the post match mood was subdued and the few juniors that had been watching circled nervously as I weighed in my silvers less the catty in the pic.

I must apologise now to my friends and in particular the juniors, I set a terrible example and for that I   am truly sorry.  That level of language and aggressive behavior is completely unacceptable.

I took a quick pic of the score sheet rammed my kit in the van and floored it in first and a second gear, so much so the van squealed in protest.  To top the day as I turned right into Shalcott blood flowed freely from my nostrils all over one of my favourite shirts.  May well have burst a blood vessel as well as my left eye was decidedly blood shot.

Thought I better calm down so I pulled over at the top of Pewsey Vale by the White Horse and got out of the van.  A concerned kissing cuddling couple, enquired into my health and offered a first aid box from their car for my still bleeding nose. 

I declined but thanked them.  I leaned on a galvanized 5 bar gate and looked over my beloved Wiltshire landscape.

" Do you know what" I said to myself if there is a hang mans rope up to the job of hanging an obese 50 year old there probably wouldn't be a tree calibrated for the task!!

The dark humour was to close for comfort, so I climbed back in the flyer and drove slowly home, contemplating next weekend , the Angling Times supercup and a club match at Ladies Bridge.

PS. Hope you enjoyed the read Frank, and and by the way the Lake Mirror record is 14 lb 12 oz and my fish was at least 18 lb.